I am not a very big fan of Naija movies but thanks to the suggested selections popping up on my Netflix account, I am gradually becoming a fan. Hip! Hip! Hip! Hooray!!!
So after coaxing and finally getting the kids to play outside successfully, I decided to watch a movie just to chillax a bit. Before you start to wish you also had this kind of privacy, abeg chok and press hard on the brakes!!! There were interruptions and moments where I had to rewind the movie because my 5 year old has recently discovered the google search function on my phone and she enjoys this game of calling out a word for me to spell out for her and the images that pop-up from the search seems to really excite them (including her younger brother) a lot! I was beginning to settle into enjoying my private time and all I heard from outside was, “Mummy! Spell BUTTERFLY!”. I die..lol.
I pretended I didn’t hear her the first time and she got closer to the window and shouted again so that was how I managed to watch an entire movie with imposed spelling bee interruptions.
Now back to the movie…
What I loved about the movie was how the realities of the African society’s expectations of marriage was presented in a light-hearted manner. Will share a few take aways from the movie.
1.Don’t take a partner because it pleases your family
At the end of the day your family won’t be with you behind the closed doors of your new home. You are left alone to bear your issues. You are told to manage the situation for fear of what others may think or say. Point of emphasis, “Don’t rush into something and later regret it.”
Isoken’s younger sister who married earlier confessed to her elder sister, how she wished she had been bold enough to inform their mother she was not yet ready for marriage. She ended up in an abusive relationship and kept it under wraps because a girl’s got to marry at a certain age! Says her mother who is supposed to be her pillar. Please don’t do this and keee yourself! Your sanity is more important than the pleasure others will enjoy from your union.
Women, let’s teach the younger generation that it’s ok when they say they are not ready for marriage.
Most of the time we realise women are their own enemies. Isoken’s mom was all in her daughter’s business (You should watch 7 and a half dates starring Mercy Johnson which is also based on a similar theme). It was rather her dad who supported her silently (for fear of incurring the wrath of his wife…lol) . Let us learn not to judge women based on their relationship status. Let’s give them a shoulder and let them know it’s normal to take their time and not rush into bad relationships to please outsiders. Do you know the statistics on people faking happiness in their marriage? I would say marry your friend. The reality is that all the lovey dovey eventually wears off and friendship becomes the glue that holds the relationship.
2. Have friends you can trust and can be vulnerable with
Isoken had a group of 3 friends with different personalities. There was the realist, the supporter and the fun loving friend. Having the best mix of friends is enjoyable like a fruit salad. When you want some fun you know who to hang out with. Isoken went for a music show with Lydia Forson. When Damilola needed a friend to listen and cry her heart out to, she went to Isoken. At that point she didn’t need a friend who would worsen her emotional state. The beautiful bit is that, aside their different personalities they gelled very well as a group of friends.
If you don’t have such a group of friends you could have separate friends who can be there for you depending on the mood you find yourself in.
At a minimum, you need a candid friend, a listening and open-minded friend and a happy go lucky friend.
3. Don’t marry based on tribal lines only
Currently there are still issues when people chose partners from a different tribe not to even mention getting married to someone of a different race and colour. Society has set it’s own archaic standards of who a good partner should be.
That shouldn’t matter in my opinion, you should instead focus on getting a best friend to settle down in life with.
Are there any lessons I missed? Are there any weird expectations of marriage you would like to share? Tell me about it in the comment section or email firstname.lastname@example.org.