“It’s an established fact. Some women can’t stand being pregnant, getting big and bloated, and hauling around a giant stomach, and some women, for reasons probably understood by Darwin, love it.” — Rich Cohen
Before I go into these 5 things, permit me to whine and cry here about pregnancy. Pregnancy on its own is a very complicated process, from carrying “belley” for 9 months to the pain of childbirth. Just imagine carrying weights in front of you everywhere you go even in sleep! It is not easy I must say.
So when you see pregnant women waddling like ducks don’t go teasing them unless you have that kind of relationship with them. Even with that you have to assess the mood or else you might either be a witness or victim of a second Noah’s flood or you will end up being soaked with anger infused works and regret later.
In case you don’t know we get confused ourselves because we are yet to come to terms with the body changes we go through and even understand what we want because of the hormonal imbalances and changes. All I can say is that it is very frustrating process but once that baby is downloaded we forget the whole 9 months discomfort. God is too good la!!!
1. You have grown fat o!
Please o pregnant women already have mirrors and weighing scales at home, they don’t need an eye doctor to weigh in on their physical body changes or a mouth doctor who can transform into a talking scale.
You could simply say, “Pregnancy looks good on you,” or jokingly say only on condition that you have that kind of relationship with her, “My friend you have been busy,” or better still, “How are you coping?” As for the coping question you really have to mean it and have time for the response because most pregnant women will pour out all their heart to you. But it could also be an eye opening encounter rather an encounter than would leave her annoyed or even worse mentally unblock and unfriend you. Which would you prefer?
2. So soon?
Bikooo, let me also ask you a question, “Are you her doctor or time tracker?”, “Is your name on the marriage certificate as a concerned time tracker of the production of babies?” Please lets respect pregnant women, have you thought about whether it was a mistake of which she is yet to come to terms with? Remember that with her earlier birth she is still yet to get a good hold of how to properly deal with her postpartum depression-related issues?
Do you know if it was the doctor’s advice or a matter of personal choice?
Let me drop mic here and move to the next one.
3. How old is your first?
Hmmmmm….I don’t know what to say, unless you are asking this to give out a gift as a good aunty and uncle (on that note you can contact Samaw Kidz for that). But if it is to count back and determine the spacing between her pregnancies then please do her a little favour and don’t spill it out. Swallow the question, it is good medicine for you.
She did not ask you for help to walk her down memory lane.
4. Are you pregnant?
“Nope….I felt like wearing a fake pregnancy bulge,” and like my daughter would say, “mommy when you eat too much baby will come!” So I probably overate. Why not go straight to congratulate the person rather than ask the obvious.
A hug could probably make her day or positive words could make her day and take her mind off the morning sickness and cramps and loss of appetite and swollen feet!
Pregnant women don’t need to be reminded, they are walking evidence.
5. Boy or girl?
Please o, are you going to organise a gender reveal party for her or a baby shower? If you are not on such terms please don’t overstep your boundaries. I spoke to a mom recently who has same gender kids and people without even knowing what she wants were hoping and praying for another gender for her.
Boy or girl, they are all humans and pregnant women and their partners have their preferences, respect that! Why not give them gifts to even boost their confidence (that is if they even need it!) like branded items with cool hashtags like #girldad #momofboys #momofgirls #boydad and whichever creative one you manage to come up with. Please don’t appoint yourself as the Minister of Gender affairs in their lives!
Let me make this appeal……..
The next time you see a pregnant woman offer her a seat, assist her, be kind to her and stop asking obvious and weird questions.
What are some of the most annoying and obvious comments or questions people have thrown at you as a pregnant woman? What was your response? Let’s get talking.
I did a survey and these are some responses I received before the post was published.
“Stare at them…. let them feel guilty for wat they did to get to that state”
“As women we are each unique and different, N each pregnancy is different too. Don’t pass a sarcastic comment no matter how friendly the recipient may be. It hurts. as pregnant takes a different toll on every each women and we fight different battles.”
“You look like a teenage pregnant girl. Will buy u basket of fante kenkey so u can mash n drink to gain weight 🤦🏽♀( in public too)”
“Are You Pregnant… Seeing Vividly That You are PREGNANT… 😔😄”
“I don’t know if this is an advise or comment but when i was pregnant, i had morning sickness throughout. The people at the office thought i was just being someway when i refused to take anything they offered me in terms of food. Especially a lady there. Till now, that is about 2 years after, they still recount how i behaved during my pregnancy days. Now this lady i am talking about has already been through 2 easy pregnancies so she kept comparing herself to me. Making it look like I am just being someway and exaggerating.
Now she is pregnant again it’s not easy this time. I must admit that i tend to laugh at her sometimes and draw her attention to some of the things she said when i was going through my pregnancy days.
We must be gracious to pregnant women. If yours was easy, thank God and don’t make those going through stuff with theirs feel like they are not strong or they don’t know how to handle pregnancy 🙄”
If the talk here is not enough to express your sentiments you can email firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s take it from there.
Don’t forget to share with your friends.