Hello, Again “Daddy”
“No matter how toxic your parents might be, you still have a need to deify them. Even if you understand, on one level, that your father was wrong to beat you, you may still believe he was justified. Intellectual understanding is not enough to convince your emotions that you were not responsible.” – Dr. Susan Forward
Who exactly is a father? Some may define a father as someone who is responsible for a child or plays a fatherly role, or perhaps someone whose surname you bear or is better defined as just a male parent. In an ideal home, a father leads the home and plays an essential role in raising a child. If the skies stayed blue all the time or the grass was always green, everyone would have the privilege of an ideal home with heroes in the shape of a father. But like any complicated maze-like concept like what we call “life”, there is always the opportunity for outliers- fathers who may have wandered away, fathers who refused to play their roles, or those who were indifferent.
Nobody deserves to go through life without the presence of a father, or fathers who were present but it would have been better if they hadn’t been. The absurdity of this situation is that so many lemons can potentially be used to make honey-spiced lemonades with soul-stirring flavors.
The absence of a father can be draining and devastating, but this piece is here to remind you to devour those lemons, carpe diem, live life to the fullest, and extend grace! Life does not wait for us as we wallow in self-pity and wish our fathers could have done better. Life moves on, it is for this reason that it is necessary to come to the realisation that, whatever the situation with your father is/was, it has already happened and there was/is nothing you can do to change it except you have the power to make it right and create a beautiful future.
If a police officer who is expected to manage traffic is absent for some reason, the roads will not be closed and cars will not cease going about their daily routines; the world will not come to an end because the officer was away. Life moves on. This does not miraculously erase the anguish and pain that may have been caused, the difficult journey of having to go through life without a father, but let’s be optimistic and acknowledge it made you stronger, groomed you into an undeniable resilient person who could, of course, grab all of those lemons with style to produce our soul-stirring honey spiced lemonades.
There are times when we crave for the presence of a father, where being with someone you can refer to as dad is absolutely fulfilling. But? As life may have it, several roles come into play regarding why a father cannot/ may not perform his responsibilities. Although not justifiable, we’d have to come to terms with this naked truth. Nonetheless, the essential recognition of a father in your life does the trick. Regardless of whether he did right by you or not, interestingly there’s no way his status as a father remains unchanged. You may have had a cruel one or he’s up in heaven dancing with the angels- they may not be playing fatherly roles now, but their status remains unchanged, they’re still the fathers.
Forgiveness does not erase the past, giving a father grace does not mean you are endorsing his previous behavior; instead, it means you are releasing yourself from the grip of resentment and letting go of the anger and bitterness. The act of forgiving opens the door to healing. This act does not only liberate you but also opens the windows of opportunity to cuddle under the protection of a father which undeniably sets your life in a different perspective. It is a transformative act of love, not just to a father, but to yourself, basking in all the compassion that transcends your pain and acknowledging that a father can be flawed and make mistakes too.
Extending grace to someone who has been cruel to you is not a show of weakness but of strength, and an exhibition of resilience. It serves as a reminder that in the face of misfortune, forgiveness and compassion have the capacity to heal even the most profound scars. Hello, again daddy!
