Overcoming Rejections
Hello there, if you missed the first part of the writeup on rejections, you can read that here. In this episode, we elaborate on why rejections are normal, outcomes of rejections, and how to effectively overcome them. Enjoy.
Why rejections are normal.
First things first, rejections are a part of life and every single one of us gets a fair share of it. I need this –literally, of course – tattooed on your mind. You are not always going to get a fair shot in the competition.
You are going to be rejected by people you desire – if you haven’t already. You are not going to get most things you want from other people, mostly because they make decisions based on numerous factors that in a lot of ways has nothing to do with you. The world is a big one and you are just one person in it.
Rejections are a part of life and happen every single day to every single one of us. You have probably rejected someone and you didn’t even think anything of it. It might have been a simple wave of your hand, a headshake, or a plain “no, thanks’; your decision to reject the person are only ever known to you and may not have anything to do with them but because most people think from their ego instead of their rational mind, they make it all about themselves. Every single person rejects, and in turn, gets rejected by others as well. It happens to everybody.
Why do we consider rejections as “bad”?
If rejections happen to every single person at any time, why then do we attach a lot of emotions to getting rejected? What is it about rejection that hit us at our deepest core?
Rejections are a part of life and continue throughout our lifetime. But they tend to have the worst effect in the initial years. It could be a person you liked, or a person of authority that you want to be seen or acknowledged by. And when they don’t, your mind is unable to come up with a rational explanation of such behavior from others. Ultimately, you start thinking you are invincible to them and that something is wrong with you. The desire to prove something to other people require that these other people actually care, which they don’t most of the time. You are the only one invested in what becomes of you; the only thing they are interested in is what becomes of them.
As time goes by, these feeling of invincibility only gets reinforced by the many other rejections in your life. You really start believing that maybe, just maybe, something is wrong with you. Of course, these years are the developmental years of your perception and without guidance or help, the response to being rejected is rarely going to be mature.
Of the many outcomes of rejections, the most common outcomes are:
1. Acceptance. I am a loser and will always be.
2. Ambition. The world doesn’t notice me. I will become successful to be noticed and then I will
show them who I really am. I am going to prove that I am better than them or for them. They will
regret not choosing me.
3. Unfair. The world is unfair and it will always be.
How does perception help us overcome rejections?
Perception is how we see and understand what occurs around us – and what we decide those events will mean. Our perception can be a great source of strength or of great weakness. We add to our troubles if we are emotional and shortsighted. The way we look at things matter a lot. Seeing things in a different way –neither good nor bad – gives you the ability to avoid pointless suffering. Things can be perceived differently. We can stop seeing rejections as a blow to our self-esteem and ego. We can learn to focus on what really matters. When we detach emotionally from rejections, we are able to use logic to better understand the situation.
The Stoics believed the only thing in our control is our choices and how we respond to the world. You have a choice about how to respond to any situation. We choose how we react to negative stimuli from the environment. We accept rejection from the individual we admire as it is –you don’t know their reasoning for rejecting you – it has nothing to do with you but everything to do with them. You can also choose to look at it as an opportunity to learn – to get better. Every rejection is an opportunity to try something different, to move forward, to reinvent yourself and become better at what it is you want to overcome. Learn from what you did wrong and make corrections where needed. Everything is a learning process. Everything just is – neither good nor bad.
Overcoming rejections.
There are a few things we need to keep in mind when faced with rejections. We must try:
1. To be objective. Strip rejection of the power that encrusts it by looking at it with indifference. We
do not know why the individual rejected us and it probably has nothing to do with us. If it is a
rejection of a project we spent days or months working on, this is a wonderful opportunity to
revise and make things better. Learn and move forward.
2. To control our emotions. When people have their egos bruised by rejection, they let their
emotions override their system and deviate from the plan of staying calm in every situation. They
stop thinking clearly and just react – not to what they need to do, but to how they feel about the
external event which they have no control over. They neglect the only power they truly possess –
the power to control how you react to situations. To overcome rejection, we need to control our
emotion by forcing ourselves to accept the situation and the react in the best way possible. This is
a skill that can be attained through practice.
3. To focus on what can be controlled. If there is one thing that is always in your control, it is how
you react to events. Could you possibly stop the rejection from coming? Probably not. If you
can’t stop events from happening, wouldn’t it make sense to focus on the only thing you can
actually control? And what is up to us? Our emotions, our judgements, our attitude, our
perspective, our decisions etc. Put your energy and focus where necessary.
Content submission by Daniel Osei.
